The last 4 weeks… and other random thoughts

Wow, it’s been a minute since I have sat down long enough to write. It’s a whole mental thing to sit and write my thoughts out and some days I just don’t have it in me. In January our pastor at our church did a series call Soulful in which he addressed our American break neck pace of life and how it’s so contradictory to the life God invites us into. When Adam and I took a little quick trip to Costa Rica before the surgery I read a book called “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry” and it lined up so perfectly with the series at church we had just finished. I knew this message was meant for me in this season and I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss out on what God was trying to teach me.

It’s hard to slow down. It’s hard to rest. To sit and be still and quiet and leave space open for The Lord. It’s hard to leave empty space when there is so much screaming for your attention. Our culture glorifies busyness and people wear their chaotic schedules like a badge of honor. I don’t want any part of it. I crave more peace in my life. I know that this is a God given desire of my heart and something I’m doing to have to make a priority. This is not a new concept for us, but something I desperately needed a reminder of in this season.

I would say that for several years now Adam and I have intentionally worked towards making decisions for our family that would be more peaceful when given the choice. It started with our decision to pull our kids out of public school and begin homeschooling them. We wanted more intentional time with them, we wanted freedom from our schedules being dictated by a school district. We wanted peaceful mornings and less chaotic routines. We wanted the freedom to travel for long periods of time without being sent truancy letters for our kids missing too much school. We wanted to be the primary voice speaking into our children and not the peers they spent more time with at school.

I know that people either look at us like we are nuts for homeschooling or they envy our freedom. Maybe a little of both. But these are just a series of choices we’ve made through the years. When we didn’t love something, we’ve looked for ways to change it. Keeping the health of our family at the epicenter of our decisions. After all, we only have a few short years with these kids in our home and we don’t want to miss a single moment with them.

I’ve thought a lot through the years about how I got here with my thought process and I know that all of the things that we have walked through with Henley through the years have made a HUGE impact on how we make decisions. When you have a child who has had years and years of crappy things to walk through, and then for a season, things are good…..you don’t waste it. You make the absolute most of those moments. When things are good, you go to Disney. You make that trip to the beach, because you don’t know when the next season of hard will rear its ugly head and you’ll spend more days at doctors offices and in the hospital than outside in the sunshine.

I was talking to my best friend this week and processing some of my thoughts after therapy sessions for Henley and for myself. I told her that, right or wrong, I’m highly aware of the fact that I am always trying to balance the scales for our kids. I am trying to balance out the crappy stuff they all have walked through with things that aren’t so crappy. I’m trying to help them navigate their emotions, their stress levels and their outlook on life, give them a healthy perspective and continue to point them back to The Lord. But I am always worried that I am not doing enough, or that I am missing things and dropping the ball on things that are really important. The enemy is always there to let me know what I could have done if I had just____. Doesn’t this just sum up motherhood? Sigh.

This past month since coming home from the surgery I have tried to shut my brain off as much as possible and just BE. I have had to make the conscience decision to give myself grace and let things go. So when I felt tired and overwhelmed and like I needed a nap, I shut my phone off and I listened to my body. I chose not to beat myself up for all of the things I could have accomplished if I had just pushed through. I have avoided making extensive to-do lists to scratch off and I have severely limited the things I added to the schedule. I have done things that I actually felt like I had the capacity to accomplish and not put unreasonable expectations on myself. It’s been good. It’s been what I needed and I think it’s been good for everyone.

As far as Henley, she is doing incredible. Her head is healing so fast and she is excited to start back to dance and horseback riding soon….maybe a few more weeks on horseback riding. But she is feeling great. She is already back in speech therapy and we are doing weekly Craniosacral therapy treatments to help her work through some of the trauma and aid in the muscle-skeletal healing process for her. She has spent a LOT of hours laying low and doing puzzles, reading books and watching movies while her body heals. This past week she actually got to go on a date with her daddy to dinner and to see the musical Annie. They had such a great time and it was fun for her to get out and do something fun with him. Also, here are a couple pictures for those who are interested in her healing process over the last month. We are so pleased and thankful with how the physical healing is going so far. For those who have asked me this question already….yes, the stitches were removed… by me. And no, there is no parenting handbook that tells you how you are supposed to handle that. 🤢