Roles

So much to write about, where do I start?

First of all I want to thank all of you who have sent text messages, emails, and made phone calls just to check in on us. We really appreciate it more than you know. It is one of the most humbling things to get daily encouragement from friends who we haven't heard from in ages and even total strangers. I apologize if it takes me a while to return calls or messages. Most times I am checking those on my phone and I sometimes feel like I can not adequately respond on my tiny little phone keyboard. So I promise that I am reading the messages but sometimes just can't remember to respond hours later when I have the chance. The waiting game is hard, but we have been blessed with a relatively calm week. It appears that most of us are on the mend from all of our recent illnesses....except Adam who started running a fever tonight. Boo.

I feel like God is really blessing Adam and I with some amazing lessons on how to love those who are suffering. I feel like we are getting a rare glimpse at several stages of hardship all in this one journey. My best friend actually drew my attention to this little lesson the other day. She is so good at seeing the beauty and mercy in situations and I am so thankful to have a friend who is able to help me process things in that way. She mentioned that we are getting to know what its like to take on several different roles and can now identify with people we may not have been to before. For instance:

The Grieving Parent- Struggling daily with the frustration and sadness that something is wrong with your baby that you do not have the capability to fix on your own. Even knowing that God is in control and can take it all away with a single word. It is still hard not to watch your child going through it all and have those moments of sadness about the situation.

The Caregiver- having to take care of things with not only Henley, but all of our children and ourselves. Children are hard enough without problems, but when they have issues that are constantly needing attention and visits to doctors, specialist and therapy providers it just adds to the daunting task. Not only that but the fact that we can't explain it all to Henley is sometimes hard. I wonder sometimes if she thinks "Why are my parents letting the doctors/nurses do this to me?" (most of the reason I am writing this blog...to explain to her later in life why we made the decisions we made and how God guided us through)


The Depressed- I'm not gonna lie, this has been tough. Thankfully, I had an awesome OB/GYN who has known about everything with Henley since we found out (because I was pregnant with Zane at the time too) and I feel like they know about the stresses & struggles along the way. All it took was a phone call to let them know that Henley was having surgery and they prescribed me some anti-anxiety meds to take the edge off until things settled down. I was really worried that medicine would change me, but I have been plesantly surprised that I feel completely myself, just without all of the crazy panic attacks.


The Weary- This is a big one for both Adam and I. We are tired. We are both hoping for this to all be over and be able to take some time for ourselves. Maybe even go somewhere to get away if we can. We just need a physical break from the day in and day out of it all. One day a while back Adam and I found ourselves sitting on the floor during the kids nap time and took turns rubbing each other shoulders because we were both a total physical mess. I have told Adam that I think that my body is taking the brunt of this even over my emotions. Its weird too, how your body responds in a stressful time. I wonder if I will ever get back to a time in which I feel relaxed for a long period of time don't grit my teeth constantly.


The Anxious- I know. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7  I recite this verse to myself a lot! Even today I prayed for our needs to be met that we don't even know that we have. I also told a friend of mine that I felt like I had the physical exhaustion of a pregnant woman in the first trimester, but the nesting feeling that comes along with the last few weeks of pregnancy. One thing I have been doing is cooking and freezing meals. I am not sure what has gotten into me lately. In fact I did this back in October when one of my other close friends mother died. In the weeks before she passed away I started baking...a lot. It was almost as if this was my preferred outlet for grief. I am quite certain that we all gained a few extra pounds in October with all of the "stress baking" that happened at our house. Hey, we like to eat what can I say?

Anyways, all that to say I feel like there are several different roles that people get put in over the course of their lives that we are experiencing first hand over a short period of time. It has given me a new respect and appreciation for people I never really thought about before. No matter what you are dealing with It's all hard! I feel like I have learned to be more caring and attentive to people. I have also become increasingly more aware that every single person will deal with something at some time in their lives in which they will be forced to surrender and rely on others to carry them for a time. I think this is a blessing for both sides who willingly let people participate in their lives. We have been so blessed by the encouragement God has given us through His people and I know this has changed us both forever.